Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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