Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
