I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
