my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The power of my boobs compel you
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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