i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
