i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
