Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
