By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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