She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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