If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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