he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
