Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
be right there i have to get my cape
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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