The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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