dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
