i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hippo gnu deer
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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