I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
