I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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