Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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