First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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