her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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