at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
