i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dick very happy bro
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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