Small penises have feelings too.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
