This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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