i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
