i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
