girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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