but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I will be naked everywhere
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
