Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
