do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
