Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
