bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
