the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
