Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
