I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
