Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
