Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im holly from the hills drunk
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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