I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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