My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
