So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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