i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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