Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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