he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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