So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
