drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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