my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
