It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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