How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
