I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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