I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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